oh. Hey...

Sorry I've been MIA lately. Just having so much fun right now. It's finally been nice out. I've been: -Having bon fires and bbq's with friends. -Playing with my friends who are home for the summer. -Going on nature walks -Going to listen to bands -Exploring Calgary on my bike (it's been SO nice lately) 20k Saturday anyone? -Drinking too many slurpees -Studying(so not even fun) -SPINNING(cause my boot is off) -Wearing heels(don't tell anyone I'm suppose to be waiting another 2 weeks) -Hanging out with my bestie, and her mini. (I love that little babe, she's so gorgeous) -Having girls nights. -We just got cable. I've been watching too much KKWTK(Kardashians) Khloe & Lamar and The Real Housewives (Vancouver. Really?) I'm a reality TV lover. -Watching the Bachelorette. Disclaimer: Here are...is...(proper english) my two cents on the bachelor/ette. I LOVE Emily Maynard. She is gorgeous. I think this season is going to be super insane. My faves so far in no particular order:: Doug, Charlie and Arie. Jef(with one F) seriously?!? can't we have any normals representing the Mormon State? golly. I'm slightly mad/disappointed and grumpy that Bentley didn't come back! Kallon. Really? He had to be the one coming out of the heli. Rude. Chris Harrison is getting a divorce.. Ironic? hmmm. Here are some pictures of my latest activities.

P.S Anyone else hate the new blogger layout? I seriously despise it!

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I am so ready to be done with this broken foot business. I was done a long time ago. I feel like I've taken a little blog hiatus. Honestly, I've blogged tons and just haven't posted any of them. I kind of took a little break from reality. Cozied up in my bed with netflix and some strawberries and kiwi and have had myself a little regroup sesh. (Oh ya, and totally studying. Why I decided to re write the ACT 8 years after graduating highschool is beyond me. But. I need the BEST possible chance of getting into my program.)Do I really think I can do much better? P.S When did I learn about CoOrdinating Geometry and Intermidate Geo? I seriously remember none of this. Thank you Youtube. I've been working on some fun little crafting projects. Can't wait to show em' off. Gotta find something else to fill my time up. I can do one legged REAL pushups. Who knew? I don't care what anyone says. Girl dates are the best. I love being able to talk about boys, hair, make up. Sometimes it's so fun to forget about life, work and responsiblity. Last night was just what I needed. Thanks Angie! Hullllo Summer! Rooms and I had our first BBQ of the summer. This weather(minus today) has been nothing short of just what I've needed to kickstart myself again. Looking forward to so many more BBQ's, bon fires, camping, and the smell of fires. I've got a good feeling about this summer. Bring on Summer 2012 and all the memories. I spent countless hours trying to become a runner (thru a few minor setbacks) decided it wasn't worth it. And. Now. Have decided I want to become a runner again. Oh the mind of a woman. It's my perogative to change my mind without notice. I have realized I am the BEST matchmaker. Now if only I could matchmake myself. Life would be blissful. Being friends with guys is tricky. Ugh. I hate tricks. Friends off on time out. For now? For Good? Sometimes I would really just like a clear cut answer when I pray. This whole "do what you think is right and if it's wrong I'll stop you" business is getting old. I'm tried of constantly feel like I am making the wrong life choices. Can something PLEASE just work out? Please? Dear Fear: Feel free to get the heck out of my life. I am tired of constantly second guessing my decsions and feeling inadequate in my life. Life is too short to: live paycheck to paycheck, do something you don't LOVE, sit back and wait for tomorrow. I've recently discovered that my money is to be for having fun, and not for sitting in my bank account. Needless to say I've been having alot of fun lately. Sorry bank account. I'll work on restocking you. ugh. <--- that's not the fun part. Hard work really does pay off. Don't just expect things to be handed to you. *slowly but surely learning this*

School.School.School.

I wish that I would have researched careers and degrees a little more when I was in high school. I wish that I wouldn't have just chosen the first degree(or second) that I thought sounded good.

Want to know a little secret? I took a program that didn't take very long, because I honestly figured that I would be married by now. Married with kids so I wouldn't have to work. I'd be a stay at home mother. I get to play with my children, cook dinner, have play dates with my friends, I'd be the woman who had the cutest home decor, the yummiest meals, and the funnest parties.

and now. I live in a little two bedroom apt with my roomie. I work at a job that I don't want forever. If I am going to be single for the next 10 years I want to make sure that I have a career that will allow me to do things that I want to do, maintain the lifestyle I am accustomed to while being able to purchase a home...while helping me feel fulfilled in my life.

sidenote: I know there are a few non LDS readers on my blog. Who when I post about church stuff might just shake their heads with disbelief in how neurotic I may act. However, growing up my dream was to be married young and raise a family. So now that I am looking into going back to school. I am having sort of a inner debate. Sorry for the random rants.

I am going for a career that will take up ALOT of my time. I am going to be the typical career woman. I am going to use my degree. I am going to put my career first. So. How is that going to work IF I end up married. Am I going to set aside my dream of becoming a mother. Of having the cutest decor on the block and being a master chef? because I would hate to go to school for that long and just get married and not use my career. That would be a waste. Right.

However. This thinking is what got me into this mess in the first place. I could be done with my degree working in a very successful position making money. I hate when those IF thoughts creep into my mind.

Senario 1. I get my degree. I get married. Have Children and have to choose(or maybe work part time)

Senario 2. I keep thinking IF....don't get my degree and in 5 years am working the same job I have been and I'm still not married.

Sounds like a no brainer right? Why WHY am I having such a hard time with this.

I know plenty of women who work outside the home, have Children, maintain a beautiful home, cute kids. Why do I feel like I am giving up my life long dream for my new dream. Can I do both? Can I do both with honour a full purpose.

Well...here goes nothing. Lets see if I make it past the application process.

Wednesday's Gem.

I just found this picture of my roommate and I. I love it.


I don't remember applying to schools being this hard when I was 18. Why does it have to be so hard now.

You're never alone.

My last few blog posts have been super downers. Ugh. I hate it when I am a downer. But I hate reading blogs where everyone it's all happy times and groovy tunes.

It's not realistic. I am glad I am able to share a few of my thoughts. And get some good feedback. Thank you.

I needed today. I needed to sit in sacrament meeting and read my patriarchal blessing. I needed to read my scriptures. I am sorry I didn't listen to the talks. But the spirit spoke to me. The spirit made me feel better. The spirit testified to me of a few different things that I really needed to hear. It was hard to hear. It was hard to come to terms with. But. I know that if I can push past this trial, I will end up happier than I could ever expect.

I need to keep myself busy right now. I need to constantly be learning and progressing.

I never thought that I would be 26 and virtually starting over. *I still have my job, I still have my house. I still have all that* I just feel like I am meant for so much more. And. Instead of waiting for it to fall in my lap. I am going to go out and make something of my life.

This is hard for me. Because. I am the MOST indecisive person I have ever met.

One minute I want to become a Nurse Practitioner. The next day I want to be an Astronaut. Today I want to get a degree in Hospital Management.



Faith can not reside where fear is.

I am trying to be fearless. One step at a time.

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You know those posts where before you start you don't know if you want to post it. Those posts where you wonder why you're even started writing in the first place.

I've found over the years I've needed to vent by writing. I have probably over 100 posts that I haven't published for the simple fact that the minute I finished writing I've felt better. Hopefully, now will be one of those times too. If not. This will get published.

I got some really good advice this morning. It kind of made the whole situation I'm going thru a little bit better.

My roommate told me today to look at it this way. There are tons of amazing guys that I am not attracted to, that I am not interested in, just because I don't like him doesn't make him less amazing.. She told me to look at things from that point of view. Just because 'he' thought [thinks] I'm amazing but choose someone else doesn't make me any less amazing.

I needed that little gem of advice today.

{Winter blues....but. it's Spring}

I don't even know how to start off this blog post.

First off. I'd sure like to know what the HECK is going on with my emotions.
Can I blame it on the horrible diet, lack of exercise and my off sleeping habits.

I guess everyone is allowed to have a pity party every once in a while. I guess that's why I write in my blog. I kind of miss my old school journal. I use to get way more personal in there, than I do on here.

so. lets do this...shall we?

1. I am getting annoyed that my foot is in a stupid walking cast. It doesn't hurt at all while it's in the boot, but the minute I take that thing off. It hurts so bad. Lets not even get started on the weight of my blankets at night. That is enough to keep me awake.

2. I hate arguing with people about money. I also, don't like to be taken advantage of when it comes to my generosity.

3. After 3 weeks of eating junk and fast food while on vacation. My body is screaming for vegetables and fruit. Therefore tomorrow for breakfast I am having a big bowl of strawberries, kiwi's and cantelope. Lunch is a big steaming bowl of green beans, carrots and chicken. Bring on the cleanses.

4. I feel like everyone is out to get me. Why? I don't know. I feel like I don't know who my friends are. Which has brought me to my next point. I am going to do me for a little while. I am going to regroup. I am going to hit the gym(when I am cleared). I am going to do things that I put off doing because I am busy doing other things.

5. I miss a lot of my friends that don't live in Calgary. Like really really REALLY miss them.

6. I am not really sure where I fit in, in Calgary right now. I am in the middle of getting the courage to make some changes in my life. Job. Place I live. I feel like I need a new scene. Now will I ever do these things? Ha. Stay Tuned.

Well. Those are just a few of the things on my mind right now. Kind of jumbled. Doesn't really make sense. But it's whats on my mind none the less.

What's on your mind right now?

xo.
L.