Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Trophy Wife? Where do I sign up!

Thanks to some people(persons) who shall remain nameless I’ve recently found out that everybody wants to be a Trophy Wife. - please don’t judge the characters that I associate myself with. I get paid to be around some of these peeps. *joking*

I’m 25. Single. Mormon. *gasp*. I must be doing something wrong. Well at least half my friends are doing it wrong right along with moi. I’m one of the ‘first’ mormons they’ve met that is single over the age of 20. (I’m still pretty convinced I’m the ONLY Latter Day Saint they know) however for story sake lets just go with what works, and what works for this post is that I am the ONLY one they know over the age of 20 still single 

I got an email that sparked some deep thought provoking conversation with some of my other ‘granny mormons’ friends

Title of the email : Here’s how you can become a Trophy Wife

Email starts out as following:

Lachele,

You know that I think the world of you. You’re adorable. But seriously I feel bad that you’re not married. You must hate your life. I know all those fine Mormon boys in Utah would totally love a piece of that @$$  she’s colourful However I feel like you could use a little help to spice yourself up and set you apart from the rest of them.

Xoxo.

Nat

Then the link to the following article proceeded.

• 1
Turn heads, especially his boss's, his father's, and all of his colleagues'. When you show up on your man's arm, onlookers should lose their train of thought, nervously clear their throat and instinctively hide their wedding bands.—Attention whore? Sure why not. Done, and DONE.
• 2
Network, even when you're off the clock. A company cocktail hour here and a golf fundraiser there would be a piece of cake-- fat free, at that-but the real work starts when he's not looking. You should be networking at the salon, the country club, the gym and anywhere else where his name needs dropped.—Plan parties? Yes please!!
• 3
Nail the lawn boy. Or the pool boy or the handy man. Take your pick. You work hard for your man and he has no responsibility to thank you for it, so find someone else to thank you for your services. Just make sure he's more ripped, has more hair and looks hot when sweaty.—ummm okay. No thanks. My lady parts are saved for the one and only.
• 4
Organize parties, fundraisers and dinners, even when you haven't seen your man in person since last week. He needs your assistance even when he's invisible.—Alright. I can do that.
• 5
Mind the three B's: Blonde, Boobs, BMW. Keep them well-maintained and up-to-date.—If he’s paying then WHY NOT.
• 6
Look good in Lycra. Have your man arrange for a gym membership and use it regularly, if only to make an appearance. Order salads when in public, but don't eat them. Over-indulge on wine and champagne. Drink coffee, coffee drinks and anything else, as long as it's in a coffee cup. Your meals should really only consist of drinking—Lycra? Gym—yes please! Umm, coffee…. How bout some diet coke.

I feel like this is my life already. Minus the man.


Read more: How to Be a Trophy Wife | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2063647_be-trophy-wife.html#ixzz1Zq4dbpQP

I’m pretty sure that’s something that I can do….. Who wants to get in on this action with me? Heck, if it’ll get me married ASAP I’ll try it… *please sense the sarcasm*

Xoxo.

L.

1 comment:

Mr. Taylor and his Lady said...

hahahaha, this post seriously cracked me up! but honestly, don't feel bad that you aren't married yet and are 25. i'm sure God is just waiting to send you the most perfect person but he's just not ready yet. it'll happen! and i hope you get to be your trophy wife, ha!
xo TJ